There are thousands of men, both straight and gay, in similar emotional love circumstances and I offer this piece in hope they might find some useful thoughts in dealing with their own emotional situations.
Our society has done us all a great disservice by making sex (let alone sexual orientation) a taboo topic. While offering it up in every TV ad and magazine, I look forward to the day when we can just be the normal sextual human beings we were created to be.
I don't believe that someone can be commited to more than one person at a time. It is possible to be in love with more than one person, and to have sexual flings with any number, but I don't think that we can share commitment.
People should follow their intuition as much as possible. Our intuition represents the part of our consciousness that is most connected with a larger spiritual conciousness - which has far more insight than we do. Mine has rairly gotten me in trouble. The trick is to know what is intuition and what is simply the penis-brain whispering.
I think there are many cases where long-time partners, married or not, decide by unspoken agreement, that they will not talk about certain things.
I share with my generation, the scars of a society that condemned those deemed queer (the more positive term "gay" wasn't used when I was young). We all have painful memories of times when we were kids and were almost found out, or were exposed. I understand the fears that many people may have (not being accepted) as a gay person.
A psychotherapist has an interesting saying that comes to mind. "For every person who would like to be a knife, another would gladly be a wound". In any relationship, agreements can be made regarding any and all sorts of matters. S&M thrives because one partner wants to be the S and the other the M. Spousal abuse is an example of such an agreement; even though at a subconscious level. Significant choices will be made by lovers at all junctures.
Love is like grace, The more we give, the more we have.